March 12, 2015

Some Lifelines are Going Away... But That's Okay, I Think

I gotta get better about posting more shit one here! Three months into 2015, I have four posts to show for it!

Anyway, something personal happened to me yesterday, and normally I wouldn't write about that kind of stuff here, but what the hell. It's not really all that big a deal, and it got me thinking about a universal issue: dealing with your flaws.

I lost a pretty close friend yesterday (no one died, don’t worry).We had a small argument that apparently was one too many small arguments for this friend, so they decided to cut ties with me. I’m saddened by this loss, of course, but also hopeful that this will help me grow. And even more than that, I'm more interested in how this friend decided to go about severing ties with me, because it made me think about how we all deal with our own flaws, especially when those flaws are called out by other people. Many of the ones that my friend pointed out about me are ones that I’ve recognized in myself and I’ve tried to correct in past. (Obviously I’ve not done as good a job with that as I otherwise could be doing.) So, why did this hit so close to home for me? It could be because this friend was super close to me, true, but it is more likely that because those flaws were ones that I was trying to correct anyway that it did little good to have them blatantly pointed out.

And that hurts.

It hurts that my friend pointed them out, but I’m also saddened and almost frightened by how on the mark my friend was about a lot of my character flaws. And this got me thinking, how do you deal with your character flaws in the eyes of other people? Do you just let judgement go and live your life? What if you've unintentionally harmed other people (emotionally, physically, psychologically, etc.), how do you attempt to correct that without trivializing the other person? Are you able to stay true to yourself if you attempt to correct or right your flaws, or are they an inherent part of your character? These types of questions just kinda hit me yesterday, and they've been on my mind a good deal in the past few weeks even before this happened.

However, as I said I hope to grow. I’m making some good friends here in college and I still have a few friends back home who I’m still close to too. This experience was a shocking one and it was painful. All I can say is that I hope that my character will be able to grow past these flaws, and that this experience will make me a stronger person.

And to the person with whom I had the argument: I'll just say that I'm sorry that my opinions and tendency to engage in arguments where none exist made you uncomfortable. And I’m sorry that a lack of communication of our thought processes to one another resulted in this ridiculously over the top reaction from you; grow up.

Sorry, that was mean.

Anyway, I’m a bit bitter right now. My other friends are helping me out, and I'm genuinely intrigued as to how all of you deal with these issues. Maybe I'm alone in this, but I don't think so. Let me know what you think in the comments below. I'll try to be better about posting stuff (even if it's just bloggy stuff like this).

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